


Secret Love

by islandahgase



Category: GOT7
Genre: Best Friends, Canon Compliant, Cheating, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Love Triangles, Love at First Sight, M/M, Marriage, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-22 12:15:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14308428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islandahgase/pseuds/islandahgase
Summary: “Jackson, do you even love me?” Mark had asked, his eyes determined but beginning to well with tears crowding at his waterline.The question had come as somewhat of a surprise. He had opened his mouth to answer the elder, but nothing had come out. It was on the tip of his tongue to say, “Of course, I love you,” but before he could even make another attempt to say it, Jaebum had come to collect his husband.Instead, he had forced a smile and greeted his friend of fifteen years, guilt wracking him again. After a few minutes of idle chit-chat, he placed Mark’s hand in Jaebum’s just like seven years ago when they got married. His heart breaking all over again. He stood there and watched as Jaebum wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist and sweep him onto the dance floor. He stood and watched as Jaebum placed soft, loving kisses on Mark’s shoulders before he made his way up to Mark’s soft, bow-shaped lips, jealousy twisting in his stomach.Just like seven years ago, Mark had looked at him from over Jaebum’s shoulder with a face filled with longing and pain, eyes filled with unshed tears. Just like seven years ago, he turned away and left.OrThe angsty fic that no one asked for but Mimzi went OFP again





	1. When Is Forever ?

It all started on a rainy day in July. July 3rd, 2011 to be exact. Jackson could still remember that day like it was only yesterday. It was one of his most cherished memories. Mark had captured his heart somewhere between the ice cream and the umbrella they ended up sharing. His bright wolfish grin never far from his mind from that day on.

From there, it had only picked up momentum. Calls for shampoo graduating to shared showers. Shared room gradually turned to shared bed instead. Late night runs for snack becoming dates. Nasty fights that were eventually worked out only giving them reasons to hold on to one another. Like the young lovers they became, they grasped life and love with all their might and thought they could prevail over anything that was thrown at them. They were perfect for each other. Where he was loud boisterous, Mark was quiet and restrained. Mark kept him grounded. Mark was the introvert to his extrovert. The yin to his yang.

Debuting with Mark had made the accomplishment sweeter. The time spent together, on stage and off, treasured. Hand-holding and hugs became the highlights of both themselves and the fans, but nothing official was ever released. Homosexuality was not accepted in South Korea. So they stayed content for a time with the stolen kisses off stage. They stayed content exchanging trinkets with one another. They stay content with loving each other in secret. They hid their relationship even from their fellow group members.

Then he got a call. China wanted him, so he made a promise to Mark. “I’m gonna make it big, baby. I’m gonna make it so that I get an offer in America. I’m gonna bring you back home. I’m gonna make it so everyone accepts us everywhere we go. I’m gonna make it so I can show everyone in the world who I love the most.”

Everything had been great for a while…Until his solo activities in China began to pull him away from South Korea more and more. The less he saw of Mark, the harder it got to maintain their relationship. The less he spent time with Mark, the more the elder nagged him.

“Wang Jia Er, you need to rest…”

“Jackson, you skipped your meds again. Do you want to pass out on stage this time?...”

“I swear you’re staring at death in the face to blatantly, Gaga…”

“Jacks, I’m worried about you…”

“You need to slow down, babe!...”

All in different languages, but they had all sounded the same to him.

Then he got the news he had been working so hard to hear. His third single had made big money in the US. A label in Atlanta wanted to sign him, and they were willing to agree on any of his terms. He was beyond ecstatic… until he realized that this would what makes it or breaks it with Mark.

He flew back to South Korea from China that same day, excitement pumping through him. Mark had greeted him in his apartment, but Jackson had seen the sadness in his eyes. In an attempt to take it away, he blurted out the news. “Mark, baby, a label in the US wants to sign me! This is it, baby! This is the big break we’ve been waiting for!”

Mark had cheered. They had opened a bottle that night and he had not questioned the look. They had made love that night and he still didn’t question the almost desperate way Mark had wanted to unravel him. He didn’t question the sad look Mark had on his face as he was falling asleep. He hadn’t questioned it because he had chucked it up to the accumulated stress the elder was under and his impending departure.

He didn’t question it until the next time he came back to South Korea for what became their last comeback as a full group. He questioned it when Mark had stopped at the doorway of his apartment. He questioned it when Mark had looked at him with tears in his eyes.

“Gaga, I think we should take a break,” the elder had said in a tiny, but voice as he was taking off his shoes.

Years of practiced tuning led him to spin on his heels to face the elder. “What?” he had asked, heart already lurching, dangling on a frayed thread. He held his breathe, hoping he heard wrong.

“We should take a break,’ Mark had repeated before locking his jaw in determination, despite the tears that were trailing down his narrow cheeks.

“Why?”

“Let’s face it, Jacks. We don’t have time for each other anymore. You’re constantly in China and when you’re here, we’re both busy, with comebacks and schedules. I sit here and I wait. I wait for you to have time for me. Now, America? How much longer do I have to wait?”

“Mark, please. You don’t have to wait that much longer. We’re so close, baby! Don’t give up on me now,” he had begged, but Mark had shook his head.

“I can’t anymore, Gaga,” Mark sobbed, voice trembling. “I’m so sorry.”

“Is there someone else?” The question had escaped him before he could stop them, and he got his answer in muffled sobs as Mark had fallen to his knees. “Fuck!” he had cried turning to punch the wall, his own tears falling.

“I’m so sorry,” Mark kept repeating between sobs.

“Who?” he turned back, looking down at the elder.

The sobbing of the elder only became louder, so he repeated the question. “Who is it, Mark?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me!” he bellowed.

“Jaebum,” Mark managed between his sobs.

The air was knocked out of him as he thought of his friend and their fellow group mate. He had been speechless. He couldn’t really blame his friend. They had never confided in the group about the extent of their relationship. He couldn’t even hate his best friend. He had always known about the torch the man had held for Mark for a while already, but it all didn’t add up. _Why was Mark more confident with Jaebum when they would never be able to come out as a couple?_ “Why him?”

“What?” Mark had asked looking up at him timidly still crying.

“He’s leaving the company. He’s starting his own label. He’s already out to his parents and they accept us. We’re out to the rest of the group to and they accept us. He asked me to marry him.”

Before he could stop himself, he smashed his fist into the wall again. A framed picture of them from years ago on the set of After School Club fell. The glass shattering on impact with the floor. All the things they had feared together, Jaebum had conquered them for Mark without reprimand. “How long?”

“Eight months,” Mark whispered.

“Eight months? So the night I came back…” he trailed off.

Mark nodded, more tears falling.

“What the fuck, Mark?!” At this point, he couldn’t even look at the elder anymore, too disgusted to meet his eyes. He crouched down and tied the laces of his shoes that he had undone earlier before he skirted around Mark.

“Where are you going?” Mark had asked, grabbing onto the leg of his jeans desperately.

He didn’t look at Mark. He felt the heat of the elder’s gaze on the skin of his face. “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna do anything to Jaebum, if that’s what you’re worried about. I want you gone before I get back,” and with that he opened the door and walked out.


	2. Still In Love With You And Your Bad Self

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though he's hurt, Jackson still can't help but love Mark

He found himself at the doors of JYP Entertainment. He looked down the street and remembered that rainy day in July. His heart clenched as he remembered Mark’s bright smile that had eyes. Shaking his head in an attempt to shake the memories, he pulled the front doors open. Why he came here, he will never know, but he made a decision that night that he will always regret. He broke his contract with the agreement to do comeback and see promotions period to the end. As he walked back to his apartment he called the contact at 1017 Records, the American label that had made the offer to him. He took the offer.

For a month, he kept quiet about his departure. For a month, he watched Jaebum and Mark’s relationship blossom before him. For a month, he watched as the other members didn’t even blink an eye at the couple’s relationship. For a month, he watched everything he wanted for him and Mark happen for Jaebum and Mark instead. For a month, he pretend to be the accepting best friend to Jaebum and Mark. For a month, he swallowed around the lump in his throat. Jealousy, anger, pain, and heartbreak the only thing pushing him every day to see the last of his obligations to the end, so he could put as much distance between himself and Mark.

On the last day of promotions, the statement of his departure was leaked in the middle of a fan-signing event, catching everyone by surprise. The managers had escorted them out the side of the building. The car ride to the company was a quiet one. Everyone too afraid and doubtful to ask the meaning of the situation. Once in the sanctuary of JYP Entertainment’s walls, it was confirmed. The breach in contract had finally been paid in full by 1017 Records. They had bought his contract out of JYP Entertainment, giving him the freedom to move labels. Mark had not looked the least bit surprised, but the other five had gaped at him. Wordlessly, he walked out of the room followed by his manager, and went home.

He had been packing the last of his clothes in his luggage when he heard the keypad on his door being used. The familiar beeping ringing loudly in the nearly empty apartment before the seal was broken with the opening of the door. A few minutes later, he looked up and found Mark standing in the doorway of his room. He locked his jaw before he looked back down, resuming his packing.

“I should’ve changed the lock code if I had known you were coming by,” only realizing then that he had never changed the code from the elder’s birthday.

“I would’ve guessed what it was, if you had,” Mark had said softly. “I know you, Gaga.”

“Yeah. That you do. You know what else you knew, Mark? You knew how much it would hurt me getting with Jaebum.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Oh, I see. You don’t wanna talk about how much you know me. You want to talk about what’s not fair. I’ll tell you what’s not fair, Mark! It wasn’t fair that I was working my ass off for the past four years for us! It wasn’t fair of me when I asked you to wait while I did so. It wasn’t fair when I risked my health not just once but twice for our future. It wasn’t fair when I stayed faithful to us while you cheated on me. It wasn’t fair when you still hid the truth from me. It wasn’t fair when you cheated on me with my best friend,” he spat in the elder’s face. He didn’t know when he had moved from beside the bed to stand in front of the elder, but when he stopped talking, he found himself standing face-to-face with Mark. His chest heaving with pent up anger. He didn’t know what possessed him, but he closed the distance between them, sealing their lips together. At first, Mark tried to push him away, but he held the other fast against him with a hand on the nape of his neck and arm around his waist. Then, the elder went unresponsive, arms falling to his side, but his lips still clamped shut. Never in the seven years that they’ve know each other did Mark ever lock up on him. The sudden staunch wall that snapped up between them, cut through him like a knife, and all the fight drained out of him in that moment.

“I loved you, Mark. I’ve only ever loved you. Everything I’ve ever done was for you. How could you do that to me? To us?” The anger draining from him and only tears came. Sobbing, he fell to his knees. “I trusted you.”

“That’s not important right now, Jackson. What’s important is you leaving. Don’t do this to the group, Jacks. They don’t deserve this. If you’re angry, take it out on me, but don’t leave. Even if you couldn’t keep your promise to me, keep your promise to them. What happen to seven or nothing, seven or never?”

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

“I can’t,” he had repeated, anger and frustration filling him again.

“YES! YOU CAN! AND YOU DAMN WELL WILL!”

“I CAN’T, MARK!”

“WHY THE HELL NOT?”

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! Because I can’t go another day watching you be happy with someone else, especially my best friend. Because I can’t stand another day watching you smile and know I’m not the reason for that smile. Because I can’t stand the fact that no matter how much I strive now, you’re happiness is not my endgame. Because I can’t stand by and watch everything that I had wish and prayed and worked hard for happen before my eyes and not be the one enjoying it with you. God, Mark! It’s so pathetic! You walked away from us and I still love you. You cheated on me, and I still love you,” he finished with pathetic huff of bitter laughter and a shake of his head.

By then, Mark was the one crying. “I’m so sorry, Gaga. I’m so sorry.”

Gathering all his strength, he steeled himself and stood on his feet. “Just stop, Mark. Don’t try to stop me again. No matter how many times you apologize, it won’t take away the pain,” he had told the elder as he closed his luggage in front of Mark for the last time. He swung it on to the ground and used the wheels to pull it behind him. He approached Mark, who still stood in the doorway and balanced the luggage on its wheels again. He pulled Mark in his arms one last time and pressed a kiss to his forehead, letting it linger there just a tad longer than what was considered appropriate, with his eyes tightly shut. Then he pulled away again and walked out of the apartment for the last time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just cuz one angsty chapter wasn't enough (•‿•)


	3. Congratulations, Man! Tell Your Fiance I said Fuck You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its Jackson last night in Seoul with the group before he moves labels

Later that night as he sat in his hotel room with a bottle of Jose Cuervo in his hands, debating on whether he should open it or not, his phone had rang loudly in the large quiet empty room. To his surprise, Jaebum’s name had flashed back at him ominously. He took a deep breath and tapped the screen to accept the call. “What’s up, man?” he had asked his best friend as calmly as he could.

“Jackson, please tell me you didn’t leave without saying goodbye. I know you’re on your way to being the next biggest rap star in America, but you can’t forget about me, man,” his best friend said teasingly.

“Nah, man. I’m in my hotel room right now. I don’t leave ‘til tomorrow evening.”

“So fast?” Jaebum had said more than asked, in surprise. “What’s the rush?”

“You know, fame ain’t gonna come by on its own,” he said trying to sound indifferent.

“Hey! Why don’t you come out and meet us?” The leader had asked before Jackson heard a distant, but very familiar voice ask Jaebum who he was talking to. “Jackson,” Jaebum had answered Mark. “I’m trying to get him to come out with us.”

“Oh,” he had heard Mark say. “Yeah, it’d be great before he goes jetting off and we never see him again.”

He had huffed a laugh. _Of course Mark would never want to see him again. Especially after the talk they had earlier._ “I think I’ll pass, man.”

“Oh, come on, man!” Jaebum had groaned through the phone before he began to whisper. “I have something important to tell you, and I need to ask you something too.”

Jaebum’s voice had turned serious and dread began to fill him. _Did Mark tell Jaebum about their relationship? If so, was Jaebum going to apologize? If not, what did Jaebum have to tell him, ask him so secretively?_

Thinking about it, he remembered what Mark had said earlier that day. The elder had been right. His friends didn’t deserve being abandoned, but what was done was done there was no going back. He can only give them closure. “Okay, why don’t you all meet me in bar of the Paradise at nine?”

“Paradise?”

“Paradise City Hotel and Resort across Incheon International.”

“Wow! Balling now? Yeah, we’ll be there.”

“Alright. I’ll see you soon, bro.”

8:55pm found him on a stool in the quiet bar room, already nursing his second glass of Jack. He couldn’t shake the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. _Did Jaebum know? What did Jaebum want to tell him? What if Jaebum confronted him about his relationship to Mark? More importantly, how was he supposed to sit around and enjoy a drink when he knew how handsy Jaebum got under the influence of alcohol? Was Mark even coming?_

He didn’t have time to dwell on it further because as he looked around the bar for a last minute escape, his eyes fell on Yugyeom’s pink hair. Out of habit, his hand had shot into the air, beckoning them towards him, and he watched as his group members began to file in behind the maknae. Bambam’s head poking out from the side as he was half-turned telling Jinyoung something excitedly. Youngjae with his bright smile, scrunched up nose was nervously fidgeting now. Jinyoung was laughing openly, eyes crinkled at the sides and shining brightly between the narrow slits of his eyes. His pale features a perfect contrast to his dark hair. After Jaebum, Jinyoung was his other confidante. The eomma of the group always willing to listen and give his sharp advice. Then came Mark smiling happily, walking backwards, as he teased Jaebum about something that had to do with the dress shirt his best friend was wearing. He had his arms out-stretched grasping at the ends of Jaebum’s shirt as Jaebum laughed, shaking his head. They looked happy, and it was in that moment that Jackson knew he was sure about his decision.

Like the entertainer he was, he put on his best mask that could put even Jinyoung’s acting skills to shame, and got up to greet them all one by one. When he got to Mark, he smirked and pulled the elder to his side tightly before he looked at his best friend. “Jae, you know how much Markie means to me. You better treat him good while I’m gone or I’ll come back and steal him away from you.”

He had felt Mark flinch in his side embrace before the elder jabbed him in the side with an elbow, laughing nervously as he moved to stand beside Jaebum again. Jaebum had jutted his jaw out with a sneer, wrapping a possessive arm around Mark’s waist, and he laughed. “You’re alright… for now though. Mark doesn’t love me anymore,” he had cracked, holding a hand over his clenching heart, but reveled when Mark had lowered his head in shame.

 _That’s right, Mark. I said it. You don’t love me anymore,_ he thought bitterly before he moved waved for them to follow him to a booth.

Jaebum wasted no time though to pull him aside. “Hey, Jacks. Let’s talk for a sec before we start throwing back drinks. I wanna do this before I get smashed and forget.”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure.”

Jaebum pulled him deeper into the bar room to another unoccupied booth and there, they sat. Jaebum sweating like a sinner in church, and began to get nervous as well. When the elder didn’t begin right away, he got annoyed. “Spit it out, hyung!”

“Mark and I are getting married, but his parents can’t make it to the ceremony, so they told us to ask you to give Mark away for them. Mark refused, but I think it’s perfect! I wanted you to be my best man anyways. I can’t think of a more perfect person to not only hold on to our wedding rings, but give me Mark too,” the elder blurted out, and just like that the knife that was lodged in his chest began to twist and turn.

 _Getting married_ , he thought. _Mark is marrying Jaebum._ It was a bitter pill to swallow, but when he looked up at Jaebum’s excited face, he couldn’t find it in himself to say no. He couldn’t even bring himself to tell Jaebum about him and Mark, so he lied to himself instead. _Mark’s happiness was the end goal. If Mark was happy, isn’t that all that mattered? Who else could I entrust Mark with than my own best friend?_

With that in mind, he found himself nodding as he stood. He stepped forward and pulled Jaebum up for an embrace. “Congratulations, man. I’m glad you finally got the balls to ask Mark out after all this time,” he had told Jaebum s they walked back to the others.

When they reached the others, Jaebum quickly announced the news. He had pulled Mark up from his seat and sealed their lips together in a heated kiss, before he turned to the rest of the group. The elder at least had the decency to blush. “I have some really great news. I proposed to Mark last night, and he said yes! Jackson just agreed to be the best man and give Mark away to me.”

“Wow, Hyung,” Youngjae had interjected then. “I’m hurt that you didn’t ask me. What happened to two-Jae?”

“Maybe when I get married in my next life, Youngjae-ah,” Jaebum had told the sunshine of the group, smile almost as bright as their young friend. “I’m sure Mark will say yes even then.”

Forcing the last smile he could muster up, he stepped in then. “I think this calls for a celebration, and I would be neglecting my duties as best man if I didn’t get the grooms drunk.”

Mark had glowered at him. In anger or faked annoyance he wasn’t sure in that moment, but he was sure of one thing: he wasn’t going to refuse any drink tonight. His single goal for the night was to get inebriated past the point of incoherency- to numb the pain in his chest- and he succeeded. He almost didn’t notice the simple white-gold band slipped onto Mark’s finger. He almost didn’t notice the giggle Mark let out. He definitely did notice the pained look Mark gave over Jaebum’s shoulder though. From there, it only took a handful more of drinks to get drunk, and by the time Yugyeom had dragged him back to his room, he was barely able to stand. By the time he was kneeling on the floor of the stand-up shower still full-clothed and soaking wet, he was crying.

He cried, wailed and slammed his fist against the hard tiled floor, but they were all muffled by the soft spray of the showerhead above him. After about two hours of this, he finally calmed down enough to pull his clothes off and properly bathe himself. He then walked back into the room, not bothering to pull any clothes on, and threw himself across the mattress, passing out right away from all the alcohol he consumed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you still with me ? Are you sick of this angsty rollercoaster ride yet ??


	4. What Is Love ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson get some answers, but will they be the ones he's hoping for?

A soft knock at the door was what broke through the drunken sleep state a little before noon the next day. The sunlight pouring in through the cream-colored floral curtains did the rest of the job. The brightness had felt like a thousand needles were being jabbed into his eyes. Even in the laying position he was in, the world was still spinning and he felt his stomach begin to twist as nausea began to set in.

“Who is it?” he croaked out, stumbling towards the door.

“It’s Mark. Open the door, Gaga. We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t. Go away, Mark,” he had told the elder through the door before turning away with all the intent and purpose of going back to bed.

“Come back and open the door, Jackson.”

Annoyed that Mark knew he that much, he stalked back to the door and pulled it open. “What do you want, Mark?” he had sneered.

“Back out! Call Jaebum now! I don’t care what excuse you give him. Make up any excuse you want, but back out of it now!”

“No.”

“Jackson!”

“I said no and that’s final.”

“What are you up to?” Mark had looked at him with suspiciously.

“Nothing, Mark.”

“Then why do you want to be at my wedding? Did you forget that I cheated on you? With your best friend. The man I’m marrying.”

 _There it was. The blow,_ he thought to himself as he shook his head laughing bitterly, turning away to stumble back into the room. “It may be your wedding, but it’s also my best friend’s wedding. You told me to keep my promise to the group, right? Well, this is me keeping my promise to Jaebum. We had made a promise long ago to be each other’s best man.” His stomach had begun to twist again, and he made a break for the restroom.

“Jesus, Gaga. How much did you drink last night?” Mark had asked him, as he rubbed a hand up and down his back soothingly, while the other pulled his hair away from his eyes. The anger in his voice gone and all he heard was the Mark he knew- soft, caring. His Mark and his heart stuttered again.

 _Enough to forget that you broke my heart,_ he thought as he threw up into the toilet bowl. Mark’s hand left him and from the corner of his eye, he had watched Mark walk to his luggage and unzip it, and take out his med-bag, before opening the mini-fridge and producing a bottle of water. It didn’t even surprise him that Mark knew where in his luggage to look. The elder walked back to him, arms out-stretched, offering the two tablets and the bottle to him. He quietly, but gratefully accepted them, swallowing back the tablets with the help of the water before he looked at Mark.

For the first time, he really looked at Mark and confusion began to build in him. The pain he saw in Mark’s eyes last night after he had accepted the wedding band from Jaebum was there again. _Is it pity? Remorse? Regret?_

“Answer me two things honestly. You owe me that much, Mark.”

“What?”

“Why Jaebum?”

Mark sighed, bowing his head. “When I needed you and you weren’t around, he was there. Everything we struggled with- coming out to anybody, keeping us a secret… I never had to do any of that with him, and before I knew it, my heart was being moved by him.”

Jackson nodded. He could understand that. Jaebum was kind man, but he exerted is power when he needed to. “Did you love me when you slept with me last month? Do you even love me still?”

Even from where he sat on the floor, he saw the trembling in Mark’s lower lip, and he almost didn’t want to hear the answer. “God, yes, I did. I still do. This is so stupid!” Mark cried suddenly, hands flying to pull at his hair as he sank down to look him in the eyes. “I love you, Gaga. I love you so much it hurts. I never stopped loving you, but I can’t go on like that. I don’t want to be your secret love anymore. I want to love you openly. I want to be able to hold your hand in the streets. I want to be able to kiss you on stage in front of the masses. I want you, Gaga. That all I ever wanted, but it’s the one thing I could never have, and I just… I couldn’t do it anymore and then Jaebum confessed. At first, I didn’t know what to do and little by little, we were overcoming all the obstacles we were afraid of. With him, I forget about what everyone else around us thinks, and before I knew it, he was in my heart too. I’m so torn between the both of you, but I’ve gained so much strength with him. With him, I’m the me that sat in your apartment hiding.”

He grimaced. He understood. Jaebum was the safe choice. Quietly, he crawled to Mark and gathered his fragile frame in his arms, looking up to the ceiling, willing the tears in his eyes to go away. _Please give me the strength to let him go,_ he prayed, closing his eyes. He tightened his arms. “Please stop crying, Mark. You know, I hate seeing you cry. Please, stop.”

“I can’t. I’m so sorry, but I can’t do it anymore, Jackson. I’m so sorry I couldn’t wait for you.”

“I’m sorry too, and I’ll be okay. I understand. Weird, but I understand,” he had told the elder, his heart shattering. “I’ll be okay,” he had repeated more to convince himself.

Mark pulled away and looked at him through tear-filled eyes.

“I’ll be okay,” he repeated, looking at Mark, but even he heard the trembling in his voice. The pain. The heartbreak. “I understand,” he tried again. “I love you, Mark. I’ll always love you, but if this is what you want… if this is what makes you happy… if you’re happy, Mark, that’s all that matters to me.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“It’s true though. You know, that’s all that mattered to me,” he told Mark, cupping his face as he tried to bow his head again. “I’ll give you to Jaebum, if that’s what makes you happy. I’ll give you my blessing, Mark. Just… just please be happy.”

Mark began to sob even more loudly.

Forgetting everything outside the room, he pulled Mark forward and kissed him on the lips softly. “Mark, please stop crying,” he whispered against the elder’s lips. “Just until I leave, please just hold me. Love me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna be a little longer than I thought it would be ... Do you think Markson still have a chance at happily ever after ?


	5. One Last Time?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson's Goodbye

Mark nodded, sealing their lips together again. The tears that spilled from their eyes meeting on their lips, adding a little salt to their wounds. It was like a real taste of the reality that would come for them in the evening. The kisses went from tender to desperate. Touches going from soft to tight. Hands roaming everywhere.   
Before they could stop anything, they were moving from the bathroom to the bedroom, clothing being discarded as they went, and when Mark was splayed out on the bed, he took his fill in of the elder for what he thought was the last time. Bending forward, he crawled on the bed and kissed Mark. “I love you, baby,” he told the elder when he pulled away again to look at him in the eyes. 

Tears began to spill again from the corners of Mark’s big brown eyes, and he kissed them away. His hands began to wander, touching Mark. His cupped a hand and wedged it between the bedsheets and Mark’s neck, lifting so their lips could meet again. When he was sure Mark was supporting himself, he let it wander again as his mouth traveled down. He grimaced when he saw the purple bruises littering Mark’s collarbone. He kissed them before sucking on them. He made them darker, more angry, leaving behind his own mark before moving further down south. He caught a nipple between his teeth before teasing it with his tongue. When he was satisfied with his work, he moved to the other giving it the same treatment. 

“Gaga,” Mark had moaned desperately.

“Ssh, baby,” he soothed. “Just this last time, let me do what I want.”

“Okay,” Mark hiccupped, but continued to writhe under his ministrations.

So, he continued. He caressed every inch of Mark’s skin, taking his time to listen to every sound the elder made. He knew it would haunt him later, but right now he didn’t care. For now, he had Mark. For now, he could love Mark one last time, and it was more than he could ask for. When he couldn’t handle it anymore, gone past the point of want and edging on need, he reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out a bottle of lubricant. 

He poured a large amount into the palm of his left hand before warmed it between both hands as he continued to kiss Mark’s abdomen, skirting around his pink cock that lay hard against the tiny hairs of his happy trail. It was only when he had a finger tracing around the puckered flesh of Mark’s rim did he begin to lick the head of Mark’s cock, and only when he had one finger braced to push through the puckered rim, did he take Mark into his mouth. 

Slowly, teasingly, he prepared Mark for his cock as he sucked him. When he was three fingers in Mark and taking him deep down his throat, did Mark finally push him away gasping. “Gaga, stop please. I want you. I need you now.”

Nodding, he lined his cock with Mark’s entrance hesitantly, and debated with himself. Morally, it was wrong of him to do this to Jaebum, but emotionally, he needed it. He sat there on his hunches, frowning down at his cock until he saw Mark move. 

The elder sat up and pushed him on his back. “It’s too late to turn back now, Jackson,” Mark had said before he crawled up. Lithely, he straddle his waist and reached behind him. Mark wrapped a palm around his cock and lined it up with him rim and sat down sharply, impaling himself on his cock. 

He gasped in sharply as the warmth of Mark sucked him in. He’s right. It’s too late to turn back now, he thought as he throw all caution into the wind and began to meet Mark in the middle. It was as natural as it always was. The first few thrust melting him. The pain and heartbreak forgotten. All that existed was Mark and the love they shared. For now he felt loved. He felt needed. He felt whole. 

Flipping them so Mark was under him instead, he took Mark’s hand in his. The ring on Mark’s left hand burned against his skin, so he pulled it off and laid it on the nightstand as Mark looked at him in confusion. When he was sure it wouldn’t go rolling off, he turned back to Mark and began to thrust into the other powerfully, picking up where he left off as if he didn’t do something odd. The tip of his cock jabbing past Mark’s on the first try and dragging past it and the elder cried out. He pulled back dragging past it again and Mark began to pant. 

“Jackson. There! Oh, god don’t stop! Please, don’t stop,” the elder shrieked, thrashing his hips forward, seeking the sensation. 

He couldn’t help in that moment to wonder if Mark ever called out to Jaebum like he did for him, and his thrusting became stronger, but slower until he wasn’t barely even pulling back anymore. The pure ecstasy on Mark’s face was almost enough to make him cum. He undulated his hips letting Mark just feel his cock scraping against his sweet spot. 

“So good, Gaga… Fuck! It feels so good,” Mark had whimpered. 

“Yien,” he groaned. Leaning forward, he caged Mark’s face between his hands and looked him in the eyes. “Fuck, Yien! I love you!”

“Wǒ ài nǐ, Jia Er,” Mark whispered back, tears filling eyes. Something about the trembling, desperate way Mark said those words made him feel like there was still hope for them, and he gathered Mark in his arms, too afraid to really dwell into it. 

He picked up the pace of his thrusting, he began to slam into Mark in an almost selfish way, placing all his previous anger into it. Mark’s blunt nails digging further and further into the skin of his back, and it felt amazing. There was something animalistic and possessive in the act. Before he could even reach to stroke at Mark’s cock and coax him into cumming, the elder was coming to a shudder end, untouched between them, and he went barreling to his. White blurring everything before him, but it didn’t matter because the vision of Mark was already permanently tattooed in his mind. 

Exhausted, he collapse on his side still conscious of that fact that Mark was thinner than he was. When he finally caught enough air to slow his breathing to a more calm pant, he reached over to the nightstand until he felt the box of Kleenex he kept there and pulled a couple out. Turning back over, he cleaned the mess Mark made on himself, and when he looked up, the elder had fallen asleep. 

“I’m sorry, Markie. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted… what you needed,” he whispered softly, brushing away the strands of hair that slid down and covered Mark’s face from his view. “I wish you did wait for me though. I too wished that I could hold your hand in the streets. I wished that I could kiss you on stage. I wished that I could show everyone why I love you. We were so close. It was just for a little longer. I wish you had chosen someone other than Jaebum, maybe then it would’ve been easier to steal you away.”

He pulled the blanket and covered the elder. Turning away, he got up and walked into the shower. He stepped into the shower, and made an attempt to clean himself of his sins and Mark’s scent. By the time he stepped out, his skin was red and wrinkled, but the lingering touches Mark had burned into his skin was still crawling on his skin. He picked their clothes up from the floor and folded Mark’s, leaving them at the foot of the bed. He took his and balled them up throwing them into a bag before putting them in his luggage. 

After he closed his luggage, he turned back to the bed and Mark. He sat beside Mark and picked up the engagement ring again. He eyed it closely and it was only then that he saw the word inscribed into the band. 

“시작, 중간 또는 끝이 없습니다.” No beginning, no middle, no end. 

With a finality, he slipped the ring back on Mark’s finger, and sighed. He leaned forward with a winced as he pressed his lips to Mark’s forehead, slocing his eyes. Tears gathered behind his closed lids and spilled. “I love you, Mark. I’ll always love you. Only you. It was always you and it will always be you. Maybe in our next lives, we could be together happily. Maybe you’ll be mine just as much as I am yours in this life, but for now, I’ll be strong and make way for your happiness.”

Standing, he got up, dragged his luggage to the door, and opened it. With a final look at Mark’s sleeping form, he turned away and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm slightly evil .... I admit that . Someone in the comments said that Jackson was the vulnerable one in this fic but after this chapter , do you still think so ?
> 
> So far, we have Mark , who's in love with both Jaebum and Jackson , but still indecisive. He feels two very different types of security from both men . Jackson gives him a sense of security that only someone you love and knows you inside out can provide . Jaebum gives him a sense of security that provides strength and confidence . So , he's kinda suffering too in this mess .
> 
> Then you have Jackson who's in love with Mark , but doesn't really have anything to offer Mark as far as the security that Mark gets from Jaebum and needs right now . Plus , he isn't really fighting for them either . So far , he's been kinda making excuses to himself . Subconsciously , Jackson is kind of being selfish . He's not really putting up a fight cuz he wants to pursue his dreams . So , is he really vulnerable ?
> 
> Now that they've taken thing a little too far behind Jaebum's back , who's still innocent ?


	6. Heaven Or Hell?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson tries to decide if he's in heaven or hell . He cant really tell when he's in paradise but his personal hell is playing before his eyes .

The next time he came face-to-face with Mark was five months later in the lobby room of the Dusit Thani on the island of Guam. He had just released his fourth single, a collaboration with the owner of his new label, Gucci Mane, and was finally getting the recognition he had strived so long for, when Jaebum had called him. His former group leader informed him that the wedding was to take place on the island he had always wanted to visit and they were all meeting there a week before the ceremony to catch up. The rings he was sent the month before were sitting idle in a box at the bottom of his closet where he had put them the moment he got them. Two weeks later, Jaebum called him again. They moved the wedding day up. Something about wanting to stay in Guam a little longer. Jaebum wanted him out there as soon as he could.

That night, after he had gotten off the phone with Jaebum, he dug the velvet box that held the matching white-gold rings. One of the rings was a simple band adorned with a single black diamond sitting beside a clear diamond, while the other was more carefully designed. It was designed to like a rope of black diamonds and clear diamonds were twisting around each other like the infinity sign. The flat surface on the inside was beautifully engraved too like the engagement ring Jackson knew Mark still wore. 

“내 사랑은 무한하다.” My love is infinite.

No matter how many times he saw it he still huffed a laugh. He had to give it to Jaebum. The man was whipped and he couldn’t even blame his best friend. He knew the feeling all too well. Hell, he was still trying to get over Mark himself. He didn’t know how long he had looked at the rings for, but as soon as he realized what he was doing, he threw the rings into the bag he always carried with him and packed a small luggage before calling his manager. He was on the first flight out of Atlanta and a little over a day later he was stepping out of the arrival area and into the blistering sunlight spilling unto the virgin soil of Tamuning, Guam.

The island was small and simple in comparison to Atlanta’s winding roads or Beijing’s many backstreet alleyways, so he didn’t have any problems finding his way to Dusit Thani Resort. Upon check-in, he turned to look out the bay windows facing the ocean when he noticed Mark’s thin frame standing by the glass doing the same. Smiling to himself despite how nervous he actually felt, he snuck up on the elder and covered his eyes. 

“Guess who,” he whispered into Mark’s ear, and was stunned when he felt a shiver run through the elder under his fingers. 

“Jia Er,” Mark cried, turning around, flinging his long thin arms around him. The same wolfish grin he pictured every night for the past five months was splayed out across Mark’s face and his heart went stumbling again. “Oh my god! You came!”

“Of course, I did. I told you I would,” he smiled, pulling back to hold Mark at arms-length. He eyed the elder closely and noticed then that Mark had lost some weight. 

“Hey, you! Get your hands off my fiancé!” he heard a voice call out and he made a grab for Mark’s hand.

“Hell no, Jae! Mark is too pretty. I just might steal him away from you after all,” he replied, forcing a teasing tone into his voice as he turned to face Jaebum. The blush that spread across Mark’s face was adorable to say the least. 

“I’ll fight you,” Jaebum said fiercely as he reached for Mark’s other hand. 

Mark reached for Jaebum’s hand and just like a little over a year ago, Mark released his hand and took Jaebum’s, leaving his side. Awkwardly, he stood there as the couple shared a kiss, whisper something to each other and he looked back out to the ocean. Others around them would think he was giving them some privacy, but really he was protecting his own heart that was beating furiously in his chest. 

“When did you come in?” Jaebum had asked, snapping him out of his reverie, but before he could answer an employee approached them. She bowed to him as she handed him a keycard while simultaneously conveying a warm welcome and wishing he would enjoy his stay at the hotel. 

Turning back to the couple, he waved the keycard in Jaebum’s direction. “Just now actually. I was hoping to catch some Zs before meeting up with everyone, but I saw Markie.”

“Ah, we just got back from a little sightseeing. Mark got tired walking around Micronesian Mall, so he wanted to come back. I was gonna take him to our room before heading back out. I wanted to go take some pictures to take back with me. The place is paradise, man. I’m even thinking about shooting my next MV here.”

Nodding, Jackson looked out the window again. The place did indeed have a natural wild beauty to it, but he was finding it ironic that the hell he was in looked this beautiful. Swallowing around a constricting throat, he looked back at the couple, but before he could even get a word out, Mark spoke up again, stealing his attention.

“Babe, why don’t you go ahead? Our room is just down the hall from the ones that were reserved for Jackson. I wanna catch up with him for a little. I’m sure he’ll make sure I’m back in the room before he goes into his anyways. He’s always been protective like that with me,” Mark had told Jaebum, rolling his eyes and laughing.

Jaebum looked thoughtful for a second before he looked at Mark. “Are you sure you’ll be alright alone? I mean, I can stay if you want me to, angel.”

Mark shook his head, stepping away from Jaebum and coming back to him. “No, go! I know you’re itching to go out and take pictures,” Mark teased their former leader, as he took a hold of his hand again. His heart skipped a beat as Mark’s warm fingers began to interlace themselves between his. He looked down and stared at their intertwined hands and he forgot how to breathe. We still fit perfectly, Yien.

He looked up and nodded frantically at Jaebum, forcing himself to take a deep breathe. Soon, it was decided that Jaebum would go out and explore on his own and he found himself leading Mark to the elevators. 

I thought I was strong enough, he thought to himself as he glanced at Mark from the corner of his eyes. 

“How are you, Gaga?” Mark asked him timidly as they stood side by side in the elevator. 

“I’m… okay,” he had replied.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” 

Slowly, he nodded, turning to look at Mark and found the elder looking at him with a sad expression. “I have to let you go, Yien. I’m not the one in your heart, but I’m determined to do anything that will make you happy.”

Mark took in his hand in his and the elevator dinged open. Together, they quietly walked in and up they went. The ride was just as quiet, but oddly, Jackson was both nervous and comfortable. The raucous war in him a dark contrast to the quiet atmosphere around him. 

When the elevators opened, he led Mark out and together they walked hand in hand to his room. He opened the door to his room and he put his bags down before turning back to Mark. The elder fidgeted around for a second and he chuckled, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, Yien. I won’t do anything.”

“That’s not what I’m afraid of, Gaga.”

“Then why do you look so uncomfortable?” he asked.

“Why didn’t you ever call, Gaga? I thought we were okay.”

He took a deep breathe. He knew the question would come. He had been ready for it and had practiced for it a million times on the plane ride, but now all the words he had repeated countless times to himself felt inadequate. Instead, he turned away and opened his luggage. He pulled out the bag holding the rings. He pulled the velvet box out and opened it, turning back to Mark. “Because for a month, I hid this in my closet, but even though I couldn’t see them, the fact that I had them and could throw them if I really wanted to was killing me slowly. If I had heard your voice even just once, I would ruin the happiness you’ve found and built for yourself, Mark. Every time I thought about calling you, I remember the words on your engagement ring and word etched deeply into your wedding ring, and I couldn’t ever do that to Jaebum.”

The longer he spoke, the more tears filled Mark’s eyes until they spilled, pouring down his lean cheeks. 

“I still can’t offer you anything, Mark.”

“We’re still friends, aren’t we, Jackson?”

“I can’t ever be friends with you, Mark. I forgot how to be your friend the moment I kissed you the first time. We moved past ‘friends’ the first time we made love. You became more than my friend the moment you whispered you loved me. I can’t ever be just a friend, Yien.”

“Why, Jackson? Why me?” Mark screamed as he lunged at him, punching at his chest. The first blow landing on his heart and the knife in it shifted, twisting its way in just a little deeper. The second blow landing close to it and he lost count after that letting Mark release his frustration.

“I wish I knew, Markie, but it’s just like the old saying goes: you can’t help who you fall in love with,” he whispered at the elder when exhaustion finally took over.

Pushing away from him, Mark let out a chuckle filled with bitterness, wiping at the tear-stain on his cheek. “Why didn’t you ever fight back? Why didn’t you ever stop me from leaving?”

“What did you expect me to do, Mark? Beg you to come back to me? I did. Ask you to wait a little longer? I did. If I had told you then that I wanted to setting everything aside- all my plans for us- all my dreams, and wanted to settle down with you, would you have come back to me?”

Mark gasped, shaking his head frantically. “I could- I would never ask you to do that.”

“Exactly. I couldn’t be so selfish, Yien, so let it go. For the love of God, Let it go. Let me let you go the only way I know how.”

Mark sighed in defeat, turning away to the door. He stopped at the door without opening it and turned back around. “I would’ve stayed if you gave me more of your time.”

Before he could say anything else, Mark pulled the door open and slipped out into the hall. Only when he heard the door close behind Mark, did he crumble to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're close to the end . I'm finishing up the last chapter . I decided to reveal everything in the 8th and last chapter but I'll drop hints in the next chapter .


	7. What Happens After You've Taken Every Piece of My Heart With You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game changer

For a week, he bit back everything and played the best man perfectly to the T. One by one, he greeted each of his former group members happily until the day of the wedding rehearsal. He noticed that Jinyoung didn’t come, so he pulled Jaebum aside. “Where’s Jinyoungie? Isn’t he coming?” he asked his best friend. He found it really odd that Jinyoung wouldn’t be attending. He had been surprised years ago when the elder had asked him to be his best man instead of the asking the younger member. They had been friends longer than himself and Jaebum.

Jaebum had simply shook his head, sadly and told him that Jinyoung was busy with his responsibilities as the newest CEO of JYP Entertainment, and he had understood. Knowing that it had always been Jinyoung’s plan to take over the company when the older JYP retired, he hadn’t questioned anything and swept the matter under the rug.

On the day of the wedding, he woke up and willed himself to empty his mind of all things Mark. Today was about taking care of Jaebum, he told himself as he picked up the velvet box holding the rings. He took one last look at them before he closed the box and put it in his pocket, and his phone rang. 

He watched as Jinyoung’s name flashed across the screen, and smiled. Accepting it, he placed the ear and tried to sound as chastising as he could, “Why aren’t you here, Jinyoungie? I was really looking forward to seeing you, but I guess you’re too busy for us now.”

Jinyoung’s exhausted sigh came through the speaker of his phone and something told him the younger was in pain. “I’m sorry, Jackson-ah. I wanted to see you too. It has been a while.”

“What’s wrong?”

He knew it even through the phone that the other was shaking his head. “Work,” Jinyoung had answered simply. “I need you to do me a favor.”

“Yeah, of course. What do you need me to do?”

“The wedding gift I sent to Jaebum and Mark, I need you to intercept it.”

“Wh-…” he never got to finish the question because Jinyoung had interrupted him. 

“Please, Jacks. Don’t ask any questions. Just please do this for me.”

“Okay.” He didn’t know why Jinyoung was making him do it, but somehow he knew that it was in the best intentions. Jinyoung would never do something malicious to their friends. 

“Thank you, Jackson-ah. When you find yourself in Seoul again, give me a call. I gotta go.”

“Okay, Nyoungie. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.”

“Bye, Jackson.”

Instead of feeling better after talking to Jinyoung, it only left him feeling even worst. Something in the back of his mind nagged him that something was wrong, so he made intercepting Jinyoung’s gift his first mission of the day. He didn’t open the envelopes addressed to Mark and Jaebum separately. He didn’t even hold them up to a light. He simply slipped them into his pocket and after the rehearsal dinner, he took them to the beach, built a little fire and threw them in. Whatever was written in the letters, he knew Jinyoung wouldn’t want them to be read, and he respected Jinyoung enough not to butt into his thoughts. 

As he turned to walk further away from the hotel for a bit, he saw Mark walking along the shoreline. The setting sun behind him was a vision he knew he would never forget for as long as he lived. He slowly walked over to the elder and smiled. Reaching out, he took Mark’s hand in his and they continued to walk. 

“Gaga?” Mark called to him, stopping and turning to look at him. 

He hummed in reply, turning to look at the elder. 

“How long did I have to wait, if I had decided to wait?”

“That’s not important now, Yien. Don’t make things any more complicated than they already are.”

“Do you still love me?” the elder asked, hesitantly.  
Looking down at his feet, he nodded. “Yes, Mark. I do. I think I always will, but it wasn’t enough.”

“Gaga, promise me something.”

He looked up at the elder and even as darkness began to descend on them, he saw the tears that were beginning to fill Mark’s eyes. “What? Anything, Mark.” “Be happy. Find someone that will love you back without any restrain. Someone that will love you more than you love them. You deserve to be happy.”

He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Do you still love me, Yien?"

The tears in Mark’s eyes spilled over the edges. “I have a feeling I always will.”

“Then leave. Leave with me now.” 

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m still in love with Jaebum too. I can’t sit in another apartment waiting for a day to step out into the sun with you, just for it to never come.”

“Then I can’t promise you that’ll be happy, but I can promise you that I will try to find happiness.”

Mark nodded. “That’s all I can ask for.” Quietly, they continued walking back to the hotel. Jackson left Mark at the door of his and Jaebum’s room before he continued his way back to his room. 

As he was stripping out of his clothes to take a shower to wash away the smell of burnt paper and wood, a knock resounded in the room from the door. Not bothering to put his shirt back on, he walked to the door and opened it. Mark pushed past him into the room. Anger, frustration and stress were written all over Mark’s face and in his shock, he didn’t say anything. He let the door slip from his fingers and before it could close, he was following after Mark into the room. 

“Mark? What’s wrong?” he called after the elder. 

He watched as Mark frantically went from room to room in the suite as if searching for something, so he stayed put and let Mark do what he wanted. Finally, Mark stepped out of the bedroom and threw himself into his arms. Shocked was an understatement for what he was feeling, but he wrapped his arms around the elder as Mark broke into sobs.  
“Yien, what’s wrong?”

“Gaga, I can’t... I can’t do it,” Mark sobbed into his chest. “I’m scared.”

The words hit him like a train travelling at top speed, knocking the breath out of him and all he could see in his mind was and betrayed Jaebum. “Yien, don’t do this.”

“Didn’t you hear me? Jackson, I can’t do it. I can’t marry Jaebum.”

He shook his head, prying Mark off of him. He held the elder by the shoulders at arm’s length, clenching his teeth. “You can’t keep doing, Mark! You can’t keep bouncing back and forth between me and Jaebum. You made a choice. You chose him. Don’t you understand? I’m letting you go. I can’t keep doing this. Every time you come around and leave me again, you take a little bit of me away with you. What happens when I have nothing else to give you, Mark?”

Mark shook his head. “I just want you. Why can’t I just have you? Why, Gaga?” the elder choked out between sobs.

The words were like a hand wrapping around the knife in his heart, pushing down on the handle, and before he could stop himself, he pulled Mark against him again. “Because I can’t give you what you need right now. You’re blooming beautifully under his sunlight, Yien. You’ll only wilt under mine.” It had hurt to tell Mark that, but he knew it was the truth.

Mark shook his head again more frantically. “No, that’s not-…”

He pulled Mark away and shook his head, looking into the elder’s eyes. “You know it’s the truth, Mark!”

“How long, Gaga? Please just tell me.”

“The end of this year.” It was already October. He would’ve been moving Mark by now into the beautiful five bedroom, 2,609 square-foot house he had just bought. He would’ve been taking Mark out to the label’s 12th year anniversary party to introduce him as his partner, possibly his fiancé.

Mark’s sobbing became louder. “I should’ve waited.”

“Stop it, Yien.”

Mark began to hit him again. Soft blows to his chest and he took them as they came. “You idiot! Why didn’t you say anything?”

He didn’t answer. Whatever answer he gave now would only rouse more questions, so he kissed Mark instead in an effort to quiet the elder. Before either of them could stop it, they were on the bed desperately tearing at each other’s clothing. He forgot about the wedding. He forgot about Jaebum. He forgot about everything outside the room, and just like the last time they were together, he slipped Mark’s engagement ring off his finger before he sank into Mark. 

It wasn’t until Mark had fallen asleep in his bed did he slip into the shower and broke down. He couldn’t erase the image of Jaebum’s betrayed face from his mind. He felt dirty, unworthy of even calling himself a friend, let alone a best friend. He didn’t know how long he stayed in the shower, but it was under the sprays of the shower did he decide to see the wedding through to the end. When he stepped out, Mark was gone. A piece of paper laying on the pillow the elder had occupied. 

You asked what happens when you have nothing else to give me. Easy, Gaga. You can give me back my heart little by little as I give you back yours. 

I am and always will be yours,

Yien

The next day, he did his duty as best man. He put Mark’s hand in Jaebum’s and gave both the love of his life and his best friend exchange rings. He made sure all his Ts were crossed and his Is were dotted when he signed the marriage document as a witness to the union. He swallow around the golf ball-size lump in his throat and made his speech as the best man, making everyone in the dining hall laugh and cry all at once as he shared stories of their days before debut. He ate, drank and danced as was expected of him, but as when it came time for them to dance, he clapped with the crowd as Jaebum and Mark walk hand in hand onto the dance floor. He watched as Jaebum press soft kiss on Mark’s slender neck. Then he turned and left, catching the first flight out of Guam, and back to the quiet, five bedroom, 2,609 square-foot house in the middle of Stone Mountain, Atlanta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is there hope for Markson still ?


	8. Do You Still Love Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen (if there are any) ! We are now arriving at our final destination, Doomsday . The weather outside is nice and frosty . Please enjoy your time and thank you for flying Air Mimzi :)

It was Jinyoung-hyung’s 50th birthday and he had been invited. JYP himself had called him. Even though he was the one that had broken his contract with the man’s company, they had parted ways on good terms. He knew there was a chance of coming across Mark and Jaebum, but over the years, he had gotten better and better at keeping their relationship a secret. Once or twice over the past seven years, he and Mark had met at random places. Every time they had met, everything else didn’t matter. Not his career, not Jaebum, not Mark’s marriage. They loved secretly, and each time, Jackson left Mark with a little piece of himself and took a little piece of the elder with him.

Tonight was different. Tonight, he was leaving Mark for the last time. He had told himself no matter how much he loved Mark, it would never be enough and going behind Jaebum’s back was only making it more and more difficult to face his best friend. Add in the fact that he was no longer able to stand on the sidelines and watch his best friend whisk away the love of his life, he was at the end of his patience, so he pulled Mark aside.

“We can’t do this anymore, Mark. When I leave here, don’t look for me.”

“What?” the elder asked in confusion. “Jackson, what are you talking about? No, we agreed to see each other later tonight. Jaebum is staying here in the hotel, but I told him I was going back home. I have a shoot tomorrow. Tonight is the only time I have to see you.”

“Mark, I’m not staying either.”

“So we can’t see each other?”

“No, Mark. This will be the last time you will see or hear from me?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m saying we’re stopping here- now.”

“Jackson-…”

“Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“Why?”

“Because what we’re doing is wrong.”

“Jackson, do you even still love me?” Mark had asked, his eyes determined but beginning to well with tears crowding at his waterline.

The question had come as somewhat of a surprise. He had opened his mouth to answer the elder, but nothing had come out. It was on the tip of his tongue to say, “Of course, I love you,” but before he could even make another attempt to say it, Jaebum had come to collect his husband.

Instead, he had forced a smile and greeted his friend of fifteen years, guilt wracking him again. After a few minutes of idle chit-chat, he placed Mark’s hand in Jaebum’s just like seven years ago when they got married. His heart breaking all over again. He stood there and watched as Jaebum wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist and sweep him onto the dance floor. He stood and watched as Jaebum placed soft, loving kisses on Mark’s shoulders before he made his way up to Mark’s soft, bow-shaped lips, jealousy twisting in his stomach. 

Just like seven years ago, Mark had looked at him from over Jaebum’s shoulder with a face filled with longing and pain, eyes filled with unshed tears. Just like seven years ago, he turned away and left. 

***********************************************************************************************************************************

MARK'S POV :

Mark watched as Jackson turned and begin to walk towards the exit, and something in him snapped. He pried himself out of Jaebum’s hold. The tears he had been holding back since he watched the younger walk into the room finally spilling from his eyes. Reaching for Jaebum’s hand, he led his husband a few feet away from where Jinyoung stood. 

“I know, Jaebum,” he said, looking at his husband of seven years. “I guess I’ve always known and just refused to see ‘cause I loved you and I loved the strength you gave me to be true to myself.”

“How?... How did you know?”

“I overheard you both on the day of the wedding. At first I was surprised that Jinyoung was at the hotel to begin with, and I thought he had changed his mind about not being able to attend it, but then I realized that you were arguing and then he didn’t even show up for the ceremony and his gift went missing. I thought I was making the right choice, but then I realized as the years crept by that no matter how much I tried, you’re not the same with me as you are with him. You love him. You love him as much as I love Jackson. I want to be happy. I want you to be happy. We both owe it to each other to be happy. Let’s stop here. Let’s stop making them unhappy.”

Jaebum gaped at him. “Ja-Jackson?? Jinyoung?”

“At first I thought I was seeing things, but then I noticed that every time he was in the same room you were in, you always wanted to leave immediately, and Jinyoung never wanted to be in the same room I was in. It all started to make sense. Jaebum, I know you don’t want to be in the dark again, but he loves you. Don’t make the same mistake I made. Give him time. Give him what he needs and one day, he’ll blossom under your sun, just like I did.”

Jaebum opened his mouth. “Mark, baby. I can explain.”

“That’s the point, Jaebum. There’s nothing to explain. I don’t care. If you cheated on me or not, I don’t care. I want out, and I want out now! I can’t do this anymore. This marriage was a sham from the very beginning, and you know it. We never should’ve gotten married. Go to him, Jaebum. Go make him happy.”

Without another word, he pulled the rings off his finger and pressed them into the palm of Jaebum’s hand. He leaned in and pressed one last kiss on Jaebum’s cheek before he turn and ran out. He stepped out of the ballroom and into the lobby as he pulled out his phone. He quickly pulled Jackson’s number up and put the phone to his ear as he rushed out of the building. Panic began to rise in him as he looked around for the mass of blonde hair in the crowd on the street, then he heard it- the chorus of Face- playing from behind him, and he turned. No matter how long he and Gaga were separated, he knew that it was their song. Years ago, they had stayed up one night in Jackson’s apartment to work on it. Bambam had proposed the idea that the three of them work together, but they had thought of each other as they wrote their separate lyrics. 

As soon as their eyes latched on to one another, he ran to Jackson, throw his arms around the younger. The surprise on Jackson’s face was priceless. The hug only lasted a minute before Jackson began to push him away. 

“Mark, what are you doing? Jaebum…”

“I don’t care. I can’t do it anymore, Gaga. I left him.”

“What? No, Mark. You can’t do that.”

“Yes, I can and I am.”

“No, go back in there, Yien. I’m not doing that to Jaebum.”

“No, Jackson. You don’t understand. He’s in love with Jinyoung.”

“What?”

“He’s in love with Jinyoung. I guess, he always was and just like me, he was confused, so I let him go, Gaga. I let him go to Jinyoung. It was the only way. I can’t stand watching you leave anymore, so I’m not going to. I don’t care anymore. I don’t care if I hurt Jaebum. I just don’t want to hurt you anymore. You’re all I want and I don’t care about anything else.”

“Ouch, angel,” Jaebum said from behind them, a hand over his heart with a faked pained expression on his face despite the blatant smile on his face, Jinyoung following closely behind him. 

He stumbled a little when Jackson tried to push him away with a look of sheer panic and confusion, but he held fast to Jackson’s side. He stood ready to stand in his husband’s way if Jaebum so decided to throw punches, but he looked down and was slightly surprised and pleased by what he saw. Jaebum and Jinyoung had their hands intertwined, and his heart soared.

Jaebum stopped in front of him and smiled softly at him. “I’m sorry, Mark for dragging you into my mess. I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to keep you happy. I hope you can forgive me. I’ll give you whatever you want as compensation for the past seven years.”

He shook his head, still reeling from the turn of events. “Don’t worry about it, Bummie. Just let me go,” he told the younger, not bothering to hide the desperation in his voice. He turned to Jackson. “Let me go, so I can blooming in Jackson’s sun like I meant to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am nothing if I didn't add a plot twist in there LOL XD

**Author's Note:**

> So basically I was writing Chapter 76 of Take Me Out Of This Club and Secret Love Song by Little Mix ft Jason Derulo came on and things took a turn for the angsty so I made an outlet . This was the product of said outlet . At least it was a postiive outlet right ??
> 
> Anyways, I'm gonna finish this before I continue with TMOOTC again because this song is stuck in my head and I don't want Chapter 76 to be too angsty if that makes any sense .


End file.
